Life within North-West Ambulance Service

I recently had occasion to speak to one of our new A/E docs. He had just started his placement and was keen as mustard absorbing all the new sights, sounds and smells of the different patients that graced the department. Most doctors remember with some fondness their time in A/E before specialising elsewhere in the NHS. The things that are seen and heard in A/E would be dismissed as sheer fantasy by people not working within the profession.

And so it was that we started on the subject of drug abuse within society and the many, varied and ingenious ways that people find to attain that high. If people want to absorb something potentially toxic and life threatening into their system in order to escape the day to day rigours of life then there is a myriad of ways available.

From the obvious…alcohol, beer and spirits swallowed with relish in many a fine drinking emporium. To the smoking of various tobaccos either legally or illegally with all the inherent health issues that it brings with it. To the more severe forms of edification such as the use of hard drugs…heroin, cocaine and the like.

So it was with great relish that I furnished the new A/E doctor with knowledge of the latest fashion of drug use. As I relayed this information he wrote many scribbles in his note book for future reference, not daring to miss any snippet of advice on the subject. Drug users/abusers are renowned for their ingenious ways of sampling pharmaceutical bliss.

I imparted the wisdom of many years experience and told him about the new way of taking “Ecstasy”. The user grounds up the tablet into a powder and places it into the bowl of a large spoon. This is then diluted with either milk or water to make a solution. The solution is then drawn up into a hypodermic syringe making sure there are no air bubbles present. It is then injected between the teeth!!!

As I was telling all this to the doctor, he occasionally muttered a “tut tut” or gently shook his head as he wrote down the instructions. At the end of this I then mentioned to him that it is only used in this way up north…Yorkshire to be precise.

And the medical name for this practice?…

“Eeee! By gum!”

buggar! missed!

Turning into the street we were confronted by a mass of blue lights and smoke. The three fire engines were at the front of the house with hose wheels deployed and telescopic Halogen lights illuminating the full frontage of the scene.

We carefully park up behind the rear fire engine and don our helmets, hi-viz and collected the gear we may need. We’ve been called to a “House fire, persons reported!” Two teams of fire men wearing BA gear are already inside the house searching for the occupants.

We quickly located the boss Trumpton and asked for an update….”Four sets of BA are inside, two upstairs, two downstairs. At this moment in time we don’t believe there is anyone inside!”

Within a few minutes the search teams come out and and are checked off against the BA board. There is no one inside but they appear excited at what they have found whilst searching the smoke ridden house. The boss Trumpton tells us not to breath in the smoke that is emanating from the house….as we stand in the front garden looking at the wisps of smoke filtering between the house bricks and window sills as the “blower” vents the property.

The street is filled with even more blue lights as the Police turn up and park behind our truck. Within seconds the Sergeant enters into an animated discussion with the boss Trumpton. Whilst this is happening the smoke is blowing over us as the wind suddenly gusts and changes direction. “Thats odd! It doesn’t smell like a normal house fire should!” I mention to my mate.

“Thats because its not a normal house fire lads!” One of the firemen nearby tells us. “We,ve found a cannabis farm and the whole lot has almost gone up!” Looking around at the other firemen, the chiefs, the Police constable…..and my mate everyone is smiling! All the residents have come out into the street to have a good look….and to have a good sniff! Thoughts of setting up trestle tables in the middle of the street and having a party spring to mind. Some one some where must have a copy of Bob Marleys “Legend”

We stayed on scene for a while longer…acting as “Safety crew” for the fire brigade while they continue damping down….honest! We are all very, very happy! Once it is deemed safe to enter and the Police have got their forensics squared away, we have a sneaky peek inside the downstairs of the house. It is like a scene from some jungle documentary. Every square inch of space is covered with cannabis plants, tin foil and now defunct heat lamps!

Within seconds of us calling “Clear not required, now green!” on the radio we are given our next job……

Minutes later we are stood in front of an elderly chap with big, daft, stupid grins on our faces as he explains his reason for calling us. Every now and then one of us giggles….much to the puzzlement of our patient! I can’t help myself when I say to him “Don’t worry…about a ting! Cos every little ting…is gonna be alright!” My crew mate has to go outside before she ruptures something!. Mention Bob Marley to Robyn now, and she'll be Jammin'.